Horny

This beast is mid-rutting season, haunting my neighborhood looking to get lucky. He chases "anything in skirts" and the ladies can't get away from him fast enough. They run behind fences, tree trunks, across streets and into the creek. She is elusive and he is randy.

I don't understand it. Why aren't the gals eager for a roll in the hay with this magnificent speciman of horniness? Did he not get the memo that dinner and a movie helps to set a mood? Did he send flowers, buy candy? How do they decide to get it on and do the deed? Is it always kind of like rape, or is there a perfect mate out there for everyone?

I actually observed this momentous occasion one afternoon when he found his true love. He must have spent five minutes carefully lapping her bottom. Then he jumps up to the area and bam. Like a one-shot cannon--slam, bam, thank you ma'am. One whack and he's done. Was it good for you too? Must have been, because they went their separate ways, no harm, no foul. He didn't hang around for breakfast.

I thought to myself, why am I being such a voyeur, peeping Tom sort of person, but I lived on a farm in my early life and got used to nature's ways. Never before having observed a white-tailed deer getting it on, I admit that I was spellbound to watch creation in my backyard. Then, I had to laugh when I saw the Lothario settle down for a long nap. Something connected to those testosterone genes that says nap required.