Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The Old Ball and Chain

I have several married lady friends who live in different parts of the U.S. and many are friends of forty plus years. They have an individual e-mail account and no other person would be reading our silly conversations so we are pretty open and uncensored in our e-mail conversations. (Yes, I know, nothing is really private on the Internet, but anyone who reads my e-mail is intruding on my privacy and deserves to get shocked.)

My girl friends and I have wonderful conversations by e-mail on a frequent basis, sometimes even daily. Those conversations are philosophical, or newsy, or sometimes family-related. We do a lot of "girl talk" and discuss our lifestyles, clothes preferences, makeup, guys and so forth--a lot of stuff no guy would ever want to read about, or care about. Some of our e-mails get down and dirty and would make the guys' ears turn pink. We write about stuff I would never put on a blog because the subjects are just too personal. I would cringe at airing my dirty laundry in public which is typical of my generation.

Men tend not to be as gabby as women and their male ego, self-respect requires that they communicate about sports, jokes, or stuff you would expect to hear them discuss at work. Men don't usually do the kind of e-mail that I do with my girl friends because the guys don't spend a lot of time on the social type communicating and small talk that women love.

I have some lady friends who for reasons unknown to me, share an e-mail account with their husbands. What? Are they joined at the hip? Do they share a brain? Is this some new way to try to snoop on the guys and make sure they aren't doing e-mail with an online honey? If the guys(or girls) really want to do that, they can always have secret e-mail accounts. If you can't trust them enough that you have to snoop, you've got a real problem and a shared e-mail account won't solve that.

Whatever works for them, and it isn't my business, however it does mean that I don't do e-mail with those girl friends at all. If I don't know which one of a couple will be reading the e-mail, it totally destroys my interest in communicating. Togetherness is great, but I have my limits and I don't send girl talk e-mail to co-accounts.


  1. RJ - I love your posts.

    You can't be that much older than me (52) but I have to say that I don't know anyone who doesn't have their own e-mail account! Of course my e-mail account is personal and no-one but me permitted to read it; but in all honesty it was never my spouse I had to worry about. My kids think it fair game to read anything not securely guarded by a password and my mother never did get the hang of privacy!

    I remember when I was at school she thought it perfectly normal to read letters addressed to any of her children (and yes she got an enormous shock on more than one occassion)

  2. Thanks. I am 66 and tend to be very guarded and private. My mother always respected the privacy of my brothers and I. I never found that she had intruded into my mail or my room. I am always shocked when a visitor to my house presumes to go into the master bedroom and open drawers or closets. When I give them a guest room and a bathroom, they don't need to go into mine. I hate that kind of lack of respect for others. These are the kinds of things my girl friends and I rant about in e-mail.

  3. My sister and I share lots of things on the phone, but I have always kept the stuff in email down to what I think might pass as appropriate for an old lady. I don't exactly know why, though. I also love your posts, R.J.