Handshaking

As I grew up in the post World War II era, women didn't shake hands with each other; furthermore, the etiquette books of the time stated that men should not offer to shake the hand of a woman unless she volunteered and women need not shake hands with each other at all as a socially-accepted practice. Up front, I will declare that I dislike the custom of handshaking.

According to my research, evidence exists that handshaking is a very old practice for the purpose of peacemaking and proving that a person carried no weapons. How did it morph into a daily necessity in this country in the work and social environment? Handshaking customs in countries and cultures around the world vary greatly. When traveling into exotic cultures, tourists have to be informed and alert to local customs.

In the U.S. handshaking is rampant and hard to avoid. For one with a minor case of germophobia, the fact is that H1N1 influenza is firmly among us; hand washing is important, but how many people bother? According to the New York Times, in several studies, it has been shown that many people don't wash their hands after using the bathroom. More women than men are proven to be conscientious hand washers but both groups have large percentages of non-washers. When someone thrusts their hand at me, the first thought in my head is, "What did you last touch and therefore want to transfer to me?" I'm not developing OCD in my dotage, but I'm informed enough to know that handshaking is unsanitary even if folks think you're neurotic. Having spent my adult life with hundreds of school children, the joke around my house was: "Mom has her fall cold."

If spinach contamination with E.coli can bring down a nation-wide industry, why are we walking around shaking hands with each other and sharing who knows what? In the years before bacteria was discovered, people were dying in hospitals not from their illness, but from acquired bacterial infections. Some of those germs were acquired from careless medical workers. When I go to my dentist, I expect to see him wash his hands, not put out his hand to shake mine. Use your words, not your hands.

Beyond the obvious health implications of handshaking, there is a whole body language situation at work in this oft-repeated ritual. Endless books and articles advise people how to do the effective communication needed in a handshake in a job interview or in the workplace--no limp wrists, sweaty hands, or cold fish handshakes. If the guys want to trade handshakes and shoulder bumps like two dogs establishing the Alpha Male dynamic, whatever. When the men shake hands with women, it becomes the whole male dominance issue, Mars/Venus struggle. When it comes to women shaking hands with other women, it just seems creepy.

Queen Elizabeth wears gloves and I often long for that custom to return. George Washington mythology claims he considered handshaking to be a practice of the "common" man and did not shake hands at all. He preferred to bow and speak to people. My preference doesn't include bowing, but simply a verbal greeting and eye contact. I never volunteer to shake a hand. I often manage to have my hands occupied in a way that discourages others from initiating a handshake--hands in pockets, behind the back, holding a cold drink or holding a pile of papers or books. I like to eliminate the power struggle issue and the interpretation people place on the handshake. Having read "The person who initiates a handshake establishes dominance," I like to do an end run around the whole situation because I don't want to shake hands in the first place. Unfortunately, it seems to be here to stay and I will invest in Purell manufacturers, Johnson and Johnson.